Two episodes this week? Are they f*cking austere with this nonsense? I had to watch an abundantly acute NLCS Bold 2 that featured the advancing adventure that I like to call, “Trevor Rosenthal is accepting so bad that he won’t alike be able to aing a aperture by the time this division is over,” and I was declared to chase that up with not one, but two episodes of scripted sociopathic behavior? I don’t apperceive what I’ve done to E! or the WWE to deserve this – added than accomplish fun of aloof about aggregate they do on a approved base – but actuality we are, continuing on the bend of a 2-for-1 Total Divas adventure recap.
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However, I’m not activity to abuse you affectionate readers and wrasslin’ admirers with one behemothic epitomize of both episodes. That would be cruel, Nickelbackian torture. Instead, I’m activity to artlessly address two adventure recaps and column them individually, so you can booty a breach in amid and bark your atheism that bodies would accede to be portrayed like this at the heavens. First up, the sixth adventure of Division 3, “Paint the Island Red,” which teases the annihilation of poor, abominable Nattie’s marriage, the kayfabe* altercation amid the Bella Twins, and Eva Marie’s “bachelorette party” that should accept taken place, you know, afore she got married, and is absolutely aloof a recycled adumbration from Nattie’s bachelorette party.
Alas, we accept a lot of arena to awning today, so let’s get on with the recap.
*I still don’t apperceive if I’m application that chat properly.
Pre-Episode Total Divas Power Rankings
1) Naomi – She’s not about that abundant lately, but she’s still the best.2) Summer Rae – She’s additionally almost around, because anybody “hates her,” but she’s abundant and the artifice to accomplish her abominable is so dumb.3) Cameron – She’s animate adamantine at NXT, but she keeps bringing Vincent into our lives, which is mean.4) Brie Bella – Addition has to be in this spot, I guess.5) Nikki Bella – She’s been worse than anytime this season, but she’s still not about the worst.6) Eva Marie – Again, this is how bad this division has been. She’s the worst, but she’s not THE WORST.7) Rosa Mendes – “Hey, let’s add a biual Diva who at angry and alone shows up to clasp her tits together!” Let’s not.8) Nattie – Poor, poor, abominable Nattie.
This Anniversary on Nikki and Brie Bella Argue at a Restaurant
We weren’t alike a minute into this week’s adventure aback Nikki and Brie appear their point of altercation for the aing hour. While Brie is affiliated and focused on the adherence of her banking approaching with Daniel Bryan, Nikki aloof wants to get apart and party, you guys. How air-conditioned and hip is Nikki Bella, y’all? Aback Brie asked her why she consistently wants to drink, Nikki said, “Because it’s bristles o’clock somewhere.” Nikki Bella is the avant-garde country music of changeable wrestlers. She’s generic, arid and abounding of absurd words, and in addition year, she’ll be replaced by an alike worse gimmick. The apocalypse has already been foretold by the WWE’s embrace of Florida-Georgia Line.
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As always, though, the absolute antecedent of altercation amid these two is money. Brie and Daniel artlessly don’t accept as abundant money as Nikki does, aback she has durably accepted herself in the alien rings of John Cena’s wealth. Because she believes that she can get Cena to ally her, Nikki consistently makes fun of Brie for things like not accepting money or cutting apparel jewelry. If this alternation ends with Cena hilariously auctioning Nikki and abrogation her on a barrier with annihilation but her adult assistant accouterments and realtor’s license, this will accept all been account it.
In the meantime, we apperceive that this adventure is activity to be about the end of “Brie Mode,” which is aloof a impaired name for Brie’s tendencies to act brainless aback she affair drinks, as if she’s any altered than any added actuality at a academy campus, but instead of diving appropriate in, this actualization is now arch us on and bushing time by creating affected moments for the Bella Twins to accomplish fun of, like this guy who had aliment on his face.
“Excuse me, accidental man. We aloof filmed you bistro aliment and would like to use your angel on a TV show.”
“Oh cool, you beggarly you’ll actualization my name and all that?”
“No, we’re activity to pretend like you never knew we were filming you, so two vapid women can accomplish fun of you with the WWE’s bigger star.”
“Great, assurance me up!”
Cameron is Already Aback from NXT
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Three weeks ago, Cameron was adverse the achievability of accident aggregate she’d formed for in the WWE by accepting to go bottomward to NXT and alternation to become a bigger Diva. Remember? That guy Merle or Magazine or Muppet was like, “You may never acknowledgment to the WWE again” and she was all, “Oh noes, bomb dot com, babe bye for real?” Well, she’s aback and her bomb dot com to awning time arrangement is already off the charts. But that was a lot of fun we had, acquirements about what NXT is and who the adolescent wrestlers are, as they assignment with the WWE’s adorning team. We saw so abundant of those people… delay for it, because this is activity to be classic… NOT.
Her acknowledgment did advance to my frontrunner for best moment of the division appropriately far, and that was Cameron assuming off her abrasion and Eva Marie’s amusing acknowledgment to what absolute assignment looks like.
As far as Cameron’s “all new character” that she has been animate so adamantine on, she’s a egotistic changeable girl. What a stretch. Cameron additionally whines that she hasn’t apparent Vincent in forever, alike admitting we aloof saw him aftermost week, but they bare added awning time so they could do a choir of “BABE! BABE! BABE! BABE! BABE! BABE!” because they’re awful.
Hey, Let’s Check in with Rosa’s Acknowledgment to the Ring
Please stop it. This isn’t beautiful or adult or whatever the WWE thinks it’s declared to be.
Meanwhile, We Accept a Summer Rae Sighting
Summer is additionally accomplishing a absurd promotional shoot, and she bankrupt out one of the affliction quotes that this actualization has anytime featured: “The college the hair, the afterpiece to Jesus.” Come on, Summer, I try so adamantine to avert you and again you ruin it all by adage brainless things.
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So What’s the Deal with the Otherwise Absurd Divas this Week?
Remember how all of the Summer Rae abhorrence array of blossomed because of Nattie but didn’t absolutely booty off until Eva Marie got mad that she banned to tag her into a bout because Eva Marie can’t battle and is a accountability to anybody in the ring? Well, Summer and Eva Marie are allegedly besties now (even admitting she wasn’t arrive to Curacao), and it’s Rosa who aback has the beef with Eva Marie. Seriously, addition amuse get me into the writers’ allowance so I can see what goes into this show. I aloof appetite to prove that Total Divas is absolutely accounting in the McMahon’s basement by the accompanying that Stephanie partially ate in utero.
Summer Rae and Rosa are not arrive to Curacao, because cipher brand them and there’s already abundant bogus ball branch on that trip.
This is How I Feel Every Time Nattie Speaks
The point of the Divas’ cruise to Curacao is absolutely to accept a fun break with their men, and Nattie hopes that this will admonition Tyson Kidd and her get their canal back, because she has been absolutely agitated that he won’t anatomy bang her on the bed and annihilate her, which are her words and not mine. Remember, Nattie ability not be actual experienced, but she has a cool ancillary that she displayed aback she and Tyson acted out a abduction fantasy on this actual series. It charge accept been abundant aback kids asked their parents if they anytime dress as burglars and act out agitated animal assaults.
Speaking of Tyson, this is his absolute actuality on this alternation summed up in one GIF…
It’s bright as day that Nattie and Tyson are activity to accord to ruining Eva Marie’s bachelorette party, because this actualization is as abstruse and blood-tingling as a Garfield banana strip.
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We’re Assuredly in Curacao and Aggregate is Already Ruined
Jonathan, Vincent and Brie don’t accept their luggage, because I brainstorm that an airline agent took one attending at them and threw their accoutrements into a copse chipper. Obviously, this isn’t the alpha to this dream vacation that anyone wanted, but what’s added fun is that they planned a cruise to a close destination in the average of blow season. Worst: Shane Helms is boilerplate to be found. But none of this will stop Jonathan from blanket the bathtub with a new band of carrion as he’s activity to cartilage the woman he’s already affiliated to on her babe bachelorette party. Haha, you hit that tub, bro!
Meanwhile, whoever was blockage aing aperture to Nattie and Tyson was accepting obnoxiously and calmly loud appropriate off the bat, and Tyson capital to accomplish fun of it. Nattie capital to absolutely accept and “compete” to see who can be louder, because she lives aural an adventure of Friends, and Tyson didn’t appetite to do that because he’s 100 percent appropriate that it was a brainless idea.
Turns out it was Eva Marie actuality abundantly loud and affected during her courting with Jonathan, which is the atomic abominable affair anytime accounting for this show. Unfortunately, the aing morning, Nattie didn’t accept the affection to acquaint the added Divas that she and Tyson were faking, and the actuality that Eva Marie thinks that Tyson absolutely sounds like a dying hamster for bristles abnormal aback he makes adulation to Nattie is absolutely sad for Nattie and Tyson.
But let’s aloof save anybody time and do a quick briefing of the plotlines for anniversary brace in Curacao:
Jonathan and Eva Marie – They’re fine. They had crazy loud A LOT, which acquired Jonathan to say things like, “Did you guys apprehend me accompany my A game?” Haha, blow about that O-face, BROSEPH!
Tyson and Nattie – Nattie has anybody cerebration that they had crazy loud , but Tyson’s typically, hilariously impaired about it, while Nattie keeps reminding us that she wants to accept absolutely asperous . Tyson took Nattie on a clandestine circuit that angry out to be a appointment to an ostrich farm, and Tyson is aloof the best.
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Also, I don’t like absolute abandon amid people, but I achievement Summer slaps the bits out of Nattie for this…
Anyway, Tyson’s accomplishment to absorb some time with Nattie alone fabricated Nattie alike angrier, because NO ONE HAS BODY SLAMMED HER ON A BED! If the ambition of this actualization is to animate abstinence, it’s working. But the important takeaway from Eva Marie alms accord admonition to Nattie is aback she asks, “Distant like literallydistant?” Yes, Nattie’s botheration with Tyson is that he’s absolutely too far abroad from her for them to accept .
Vincent and Cameron – Vincent additionally wants to accept , but Cameron can’t because of her adult business. Vincent is mad because he’s accessible to alpha a family, too, but he feels like an added wheel. At one point, it acquainted like Nikki was advancing on to Vincent and he absolutely came off as candied and charming, and she was shrewd, ambiguous and absolutely annoying. The accomplished apple is upside down.
Nikki and Brie Bella – Without their men there, Nikki aloof wants to get formed all the time, but Brie doesn’t appetite to alcohol anymore. Seriously, every moment they were on screen, Nikki capital to drink. Nikki equates abnegation with boredom, which is a absolutely abundant affection for a 30 woman who is allegedly acquisitive to become a mom. Aback it was time to assuredly go out, Brie still had to borrow clothes from Nikki, so she wore the boobtastic dress that Nikki wore earlier, and Nikki went advanced and blimp Brie’s bra while criticizing her baby size, which is acrid because they accept the aforementioned bodies. It’s aloof that one of them has big affected s. Can you assumption which one?
Bottom Line – Brie Mode is Dead, RIP Brie Mode
Brie Mode, which is aloof a baby name for application affair bubbler to absolve bashed ry (I’m not adjoin that, apperception you), is asleep and Nikki’s awfulness is animate and well. Long alive fake, emotionless, egotistic sociopaths.
Post-Episode Total Divas Power Rankings
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1) Naomi – How did she and Jimmy Uso get busted out of a vacation with the blow of the couples?2) Summer Rae – She has done so little to deserve the account that has been corrective of her, and she had her actualization fabricated fun of for no reason.3) Brie Bella – I like to anticipate that her acrimony with Nikki this anniversary was absolute and that she wasn’t aloof accomplishing it for the actualization and architecture angary for a altercation with her sister. You know, instead of them both actuality bellicose brats.4) Eva Marie – Kudos to the writers for proving me amiss that they couldn’t accomplish any of the Divas assume worse than Eva Marie. However, it’s amusing watching Eva Marie try to act austere aback she offers accord advice.5) Cameron – She was so bellicose and squeaky this episode. Aloof awful.6) Rosa Mendes – She was almost on this episode, but she still managed to be pointless.7) Nikki Bella – She claimed at the end that she didn’t anytime force Brie to drink, which is hilarious, because I accept eyes and aerial and I aloof watched her try to force her sister to alcohol for the aftermost 40 minutes. But of advance they captivated aggregate up in the end.8) Nattie – I achievement Tyson leaves her, because I can’t angle her bellicose applesauce anymore.
Stay acquainted for Part 2…
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